


If I Believe You

by AlexxWrites



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Dutch is an asshole, Kieran is hurt, Loss of Trust, M/M, Partner Betrayal, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25241407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexxWrites/pseuds/AlexxWrites
Summary: When Kieran rides back into camp after having saved himself from the O'Driscolls, Arthur knows that it was a mistake not going after him when he had the chance.After weeks of Kieran ignoring him, he knows that he has to make up for it best he can. No matter how long it takes.
Relationships: Kieran Duffy/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	If I Believe You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a birthday present to my friend. Happy Birthday!!! (can be found at rxraltzna on tumblr) 
> 
> (The title is from the 1975 song If I Believe You)

It had been a relatively calm morning. The sun was shining. Birds were chirping. The heat hadn’t become utterly unbearable yet.

Most importantly it seemed as if the gang would live to see another day. 

Arthur had gotten up around seven and had his coffee whilst peacefully watching the sun rise in a fiery burst of orange, yellow, and red. He and Charles had exchanged a pleasant conversation as the two of them went about their chores, collecting and moving firewood side by side. Pearson had complained about a lack of good meat to work with, and so Arthur had decided to bring back some decent game. 

Sadie was the one to wave him over to the front porch once he was back. They talked about the mayor’s party, how ironic it was that Bill Williamson of all people could now say he had been to such an event. Dutch had interrupted them, apparently wanting to discuss something important. Arthur, although a bit annoyed, followed him up and onto the balcony. 

And there’s where they were now. At some point the topic had strayed from their upcoming job in Saint Denis to Arthur not getting along with Micah, much to Arthur’s annoyance. Before he could change the topic back to the trolley heist, however, he noticed Dutch staring at something. 

“What is _that_?”

Arthur looked up and squinted. 

Someone, Mary Beth he thinks, screamed.

“ _It’s_ _Kieran_!”

He was covered in a truly horrifying amount of blood. Dark, almost black pools of it gathered around the various wounds that littered his torso. He was riding a horse Arthur immediately noticed was not Kieran’s own.

He came to a stop just below the balcony. With a finger pointed accusingly at Dutch and his face twisted in pure rage, Kieran screamed. It seemed to last forever. 

“ _YOU COULD HAVE LOOKED FOR ME- WHY DIDN’T ANY OF YOU COME FOR ME_?!” 

Arthur could barely process anything that was being said, the shock of it all too intense to focus on anything other than his own thoughts.

“ _I HAD TO SAVE MY DAMN SELF_! _NONE OF YOU CARED ENOUGH TO COME AFTER ME_ _AND DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT_!”

Kieran opened his mouth to say something else, but all that came out was a desperate breath for air. Before he knew it, Arthur was already running down to him. He was there to catch him as he fell. 

Arthur cradled him in his arms. 

“ _Kieran_ -“ It was all he could think to say. 

Kieran glared, and in his eyes Arthur saw nothing but cold, bitter resentment. 

* * *

Kieran was out for a week, barely conscious at all. And Arthur sat by his bedside for a week. As long as Hosea would let him stay he did, racking his brain for what to say. What would even remotely excuse what he did, or rather, what he didn’t do. 

Kieran’s face haunted him at night, that genuine hatred in his eyes burning into his soul. There were a lot of things in life he had to be guilty for, but this was a whole new kind of pain. A whole new low, even for an outlaw like him. The few times he had been conscious enough to talk, Hosea had insisted on giving him pain meds. He refused each and every attempt.

Hosea said Kieran didn’t trust them enough to keep him safe, and Arthur couldn’t even blame him.

He just wished Kieran would take his medicine.

By Monday morning he was awake. This time for good. Arthur had been out taking whatever jobs he could, anything to get his mind off everything, and Susan had been waiting by the hitching post to tell him. From the look on her face he knew something was wrong, but he did his best to be strong. 

Hosea was sitting in a chair next to Arthur’s bed when he came in. Kieran looked absolutely terrible, and his face remained stoic as Arthur sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“I’ll give you your privacy.” said Hosea. He made sure to shut the door behind him. 

Arthur let out the breath he had been holding and went to take Kieran’s hand. 

“Kieran I-“ 

He jerked his hand away and turned his gaze toward the wall. 

“I don’t want to speak to you right now.” 

Arthur tried to find something to say, he really did, but it was plain to see Kieran was serious. 

As he walked out he turned and apologized, not expecting an answer in return. Kieran had every right to be angry. He’d just have to try again later.

* * *

Another week passes. Every day Arthur goes to visit Kieran, even if just to sit beside him for a little while. Kieran doesn’t say anything. The only person he talks to is Hosea, explaining resentfully that Hosea was one of the only ones he didn’t blame for what happened. 

It wasn’t until about the two and a half week mark of Kieran being home that he decided to speak.

Arthur was sat in a chair by the window, sketching out a scene reminiscent of the surrounding bayou. 

“Why didn’t you come for me?” Kieran said, a hint of sadness to his voice. Arthur started, shocked to hear his lover’s voice after all this time. He stood up and pulled the chair right next to the bed. 

Thinking back on everything he’d been planning on saying proved to be much harder now that it was time to say them. 

“We didn’t know you had been taken.” 

Kieran was seeing red. 

“And how the _fuck_ didn’t you? I told you I don’t have anywhere else to go and you what? Thought I’d just up and left without telling you?!”

“Listen-”

“Is there some part of you that still doesn’t trust me, Arthur? You still think I’m gonna betray you?”

“No it’s nothin’ like that-”

“ _Then what is it_?” 

Both of them were on the brink of tears. 

“Dutch wouldn’t let anyone go looking for you.” 

Kieran scoffed out a laugh, tears now freely rolling down his face. 

“You’re a grown man. Dutch can’t tell you what to do, and if you really cared about me you wouldn’t have let that stand in your way.” 

Arthur looked away, too ashamed with himself to even look Kieran in the face. “I'm sorry. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, if you’ll let me.” 

Kieran let out a sob. “I love you, Arthur- that’s the problem. I love you so much I don’t know what to do with myself, and now I feel like I shouldn’t.” 

“Kieran-” he took Kieran’s hands between his own. “I promise you I will never let anything bad happen to you ever again. If you’ll still have me, I will stand by you until the end. I’ll make up for everything, just _please_ ….give me the chance to make this right.” He was crying with earnest now, they both were. Kieran nodded.

“ _Okay. It’ll take time, but okay_.” 

Arthur got into bed beside him.

* * *

A few days later Kieran came to him while he was tending to his horse. Arthur immediately placed a supporting arm around him. Due to the significant damage sustained to Kieran’s legs no one was really sure when he should start walking again, not that he was anxious to get out of bed anyways.

That is, until now. 

“Hey, you sure you should be up and around yet?” Arthur fussed, leading Kieran to a log and coaxing him into sitting down. Kieran allowed himself to be gently pressed down by his shoulders, just to appease the few others who were now looking their way, concerned. 

“Arthur, I’m fine. I need you to do something for me.” 

“Of course. What is it?” 

Kieran paused, looking distressed. “You remember how when I came back I wasn’t ridin’ Brawen?” 

Arthur winced. “Yeah?” 

“Well I want you to take me back to where she died.” 

Arthur was a bit taken aback. He knew all too well the pain of losing a horse, especially one you were bonded to, but she would be nothing more than a rotting corpse now. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” he said. “ I mean- she’ll be gone by now.” 

Kieran shot Arthur a look that left no room for negotiation. 

They took Arthur’s horse. It was easier than going through the hassle of asking someone else to borrow theirs. Kieran led him to a spot not too far from camp, pointing out where to go like he had done with John what felt like years ago. 

“Let’s stop here. It’s down that way.” he said, hopping down with some effort. They came to a little field by the road, just west of Shady Belle. And there was Branwen, gently rotting in a patch of pretty white flowers, the wind rustling the trees and grass around them. 

Kieran started crying, heaving out broken sobs until he couldn’t stand anymore. Arthur gripped onto him tight and cradled his head to his chest, whispering words of comfort. Eventually Kieran could speak again, and when he could he leaned back and sniffled. 

“I can still hear it, Arthur. She was just trying to follow me and-” 

“I know, honey.” 

Kieran was quiet for a few minutes, thinking everything over in his head. “I won’t sleep peacefully at night until every last O’Driscoll is dead, starting with the son of a bitch Colm. You know that right?” 

“That makes two of us.” 

* * *

  
A full month passes, and every day Arthur does what he can to atone. Every day he’s grateful that Kieran is alive and going to be okay. 

Kieran has mostly recovered now, but the scars both physical and psychological will never fade, he knows that. 

The two of them sit on a little ledge overlooking the lake by Clemen’s Point, watching the sunset side by side. It’s restful and quiet and _perfect_. There’s not a soul around to bother them. 

After about an hour of comfortable silence Kieran speaks. 

“Did I ever tell you how I got these scars on my neck?”

“O’Driscoll was gonna slit your throat and changed his mind?” 

“He was going to cut my fucking head off. Slowly.” Kieran corrected, bringing a hand up to rub the deep, ugly slashes on his throat. “I hate them.” 

Arthur got an idea. He waited until Kieran looked away and then undid his bandana, holding it out for him. “Take this.” 

Kieran smiled and tied it around his own neck. “Thanks.” 

Arthur takes Kieran’s hand and holds onto it, looking him in the eyes. 

“I’m so sorry.-” he had said it a million times by now but he was going to again. “I wasn’t there when you needed me to save your life. Never again. I’m gonna help you hunt each and every one of those bastards down, and believe me, you’ll get Colm all to yourself.” 

Kieran grinned for the first time in awhile. “I’ll hold you to that.” 


End file.
